The very next day after blowing up at me for being engaged my mother quit trying to talk me out of it. She wasn’t happy or particularly helpful, passive aggressive is probably an accurate term for her attitude. To her credit, she only threw one more tantrum during the whole rest of the engagement. When she asked when we planned to have the wedding and I told her October, she lost it. It was only four months away, I’d miss Christmas etc, etc. So I talked to Mark and we agreed to put it off til January.
The next few months should have been fun, but overall, they were not. My parents offered to give us money and skip the wedding. At first I agreed, re-arranged my plans, then changed my mind back.
No one seemed happy for us but us. His side was unhappy because we didn’t want kids there and because we weren’t going to play country music. There was a minor flap over the food and the location of the reception and I’m pretty sure they didn’t like my veil, which I showed them in an effort to include them in the bride side of things. The rehearsal dinner was also an issue. We wanted it one place, they wanted it another. They won because they were paying and because they didn’t want to do something more or different from they had done for their other son.
Things were even worse on my side. My parents didn’t want to spend any money. I bought a pretty dress, but it wasn’t remotely anything that I really wanted. The only place I could have my reception was the American Legion Hall that my Dad belonged to because they were going to let us have it steeply discounted. I didn’t want to have it there. It reeked of cigarette smoke and reminded me of a bunch of old guys sitting around playing cards and dying Easter eggs for the annual Legion egg hunt. I don’t remember what we were going to decorate the hall or the church with, I only remember that I had to do it myself. The morning of the wedding. I made the bouquets and we did not hire a florist. The mother of a friend of my husband’s ran a catering company and wanted to do the food as a gift. My mother-in-law told them one thing, we wanted something else. I talked to the mom and worked out a new menu, but I felt weird about it. I didn’t really trust the whole thing. A friend of mine was going to DJ for us, but he seemed to be blowing me off. We agreed to everything and planned it all and then I never heard from him again. When I called to confirm a few days before, he almost seemed to have forgotten. I had to go over all the songs and timing and everything again and he seriously didn’t seem to know any of it. Again, I felt weird about things and didn’t really trust the situation.
The only thing I really liked was my cake. It was a huge multi-cake extravaganza with bridges and a lighted fountain and mounds of frosting flowers. It was beautiful and cost more than my dress.
We went out and bought a cake topper, cutting knives, a guest book, garter and all the other paraphernalia a wedding needed, but everything felt wrong. The girls would have beautiful dresses and the guys would be handsome in their tuxedos. My mother made her dress. She wouldn’t spend the money to buy one. My mother-in-law wouldn’t wear a long dress. No one, and I mean no one would cooperate. Even when I tried to get my husband to help me, he just said whatever you want is fine. Just do it and tell me when and where to show up. None of it was fun and I was worried about all of it. I was alone.
We should have taken the money and run, but I just had to have a wedding…