My War on Wars on Stuff

Ok, this is not exactly political, it is more of maybe, a grammar thing the more I think about it.  Recently in the news, we hear about wars on stuff.  Apparently, there is a war on bedroom politics, a war on women, drugs, poverty, guns, free speech, religion and pit bulls.  I am sick to death of hearing about all of these wars.  It just seems stupid to me.  Distracting. Boring.  I am starting my own war against wars on stuff, and hopefully, they will be more interesting.

War Number One.  I am declaring a war on fitted waistbands.  They are uncomfortable.  They add to my claustrophobia.  When wearing a fitted waistband, I find sitting to be less than desirable.  Especially if I’ve just eaten.  They tend to bind and I posit that we don’t have to take it anymore.  We live in a time of spandex added to denim for God’s sake, why should the waistband of our pants be so unforgiving?  hMMMM???  I think it’s a conspiracy.

War Number Two.  I declare war on lining in clothing.  Am I the only one who has noticed that the lining in a skirt or pair of pants is always at least one size smaller than the garment itself?  Also, while the garment may be made out of some type of nice comfy fabric, the lining stuff is always stiff and weird.  NO MORE LININGS!!!

War Number Three.  Plastic bags for your groceries.  I want the big brown, rectangular, paper ones back that my mother used to get when I was a kid.  They were heavy-duty.  You could fill one of those suckers to the BRIM with cans and it wouldn’t tear.  You could load one up with packets of biscuit or muffin mix and the corners of said packets would not make a big split down the side which would allow all of your other stuff to fall out in the parking lot.  In addition? those brown grocery bags, when lined with a tall kitchen garbage bag, make fantastic puke bags.  No buckets or trash cans full of vomit that then need to be >gulp< poured out and cleaned.  Scuze me a sec, I’m feeling a little squeamish….  OK, better now.

War Number Four.   People who mow their grass too much.  You know who I’m talking about.  The weirdo who mows his (and it’s always a him) grass to within an inch of its life and then when you mow yours the next day “he” comes out and mows his AGAIN.  It is one form of OCD that needs to be cured.  Just because I mow the day after you, doesn’t mean I’m trying to one up you.  Honestly, I’d let it go back to nature if I wasn’t afraid the township would fine me.  I’m just environmental like that.

War Number Five.  School buses and garbage trucks.  Yeah, yeah, I know the buses take the kids to school and they’re convenient and all, but they are loud, and if you get behind one, they are smelly.  They come through the neighborhood waaaay too early and wake everyone up.  Now that my kids don’t have access to a school bus, we all get an extra hour of sleep in the morning.  Garbage trucks, same thing.  Loud, early, smelly.  Do we REALLY need them?

See how stupid my wars on stuff are?  Well, not all of them, just half of five, because someone really does need to take the trash away.  Any who, my point is this, using the term “war on (fill in the blank)” is irritating.  It’s annoying.  It’s like when George Bush said “Make no mistake” and every other stupid politician started saying it.  Every time I hear someone say “Make no mistake” I immediately zone out and miss the rest of what they are saying.  Get to the point,  dramatics are not necessary if you are saying something important or interesting.  If you have to use a tag line to get your point across, change your point or better yet, just zip it.  I have better things to do than listen, like clipping the lining out of pants, or tormenting a goofy neighbor with yard work.

Be kind to one another 🙂

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4 thoughts on “My War on Wars on Stuff

  1. Word UP, sister!

    Ever notice how that evil lining shrinks when you launder the item?? I usually end up cutting the lining out of the skirt- hate it.

    Hubsters always gets the brown paper bags too- agreed they are much better!

    And I can assure you that we DO NOT, in fact, mow our grass too much- more like ‘too little’!

    Like

  2. For War number 3, go with the green earth friendly bags all the markets are selling.The handles are a lot less annoying then the small plastic bag straps.
    And how about a war on lederhosen?
    Those things should be abolished.
    Now.

    Like

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