Before this post goes any farther, I feel the need to include a disclaimer. If you are a militant vegetarian, you may want to stop right now. If you are a normal person who is a vegetarian, or a meat lover, read on…
On a recent trip to the grocery store, I was accosted by an occupy the meat case weirdo while buying a roast. It was fairly mild, the standard, “How can you eat a “being” with a face?” cliche, to which I responded, “One bite at a time honey, one bite at a time” as I sauntered away with my roast tucked into my cart. The following is what I REALLY wanted to say but did not have the time or energy for.
First of all my veggie friend, do you realize that plants are alive? You are eating living beings. Plants come from seeds, just like animals. Plants eat, drink and grow, just like animals. Plants participate in respiration just like animals. They breathe in carbon dioxide and breathe out oxygen. Do you realize that every single time you pull a plant from mother earth for your selfish eating purposes, you are suffocating every animal on the planet including yourself? Plants are grown by evil, big agriculture in overcrowded conditions where they are sprayed with pesticides and stinky poop fertilizer. They are genetically modified and exploited for their nutritive value. Just because carrots don’t have mouths does not mean that they do not scream when you chop them up with a huge sharp knife, or even worse, eat them raw with your ripping teeth. Plants can’t talk or look at us with soft brown eyes, but we DO know that if you talk to your houseplants, they grow better, so are you SURE they have no consiousness?
Second, isn’t being veg supposed to make you less aggressive and kinder and more understanding and stuff? What makes you think it’s a good idea to walk up to a complete stranger and berate them about their food choices? I would never come up to you and suggest that your pasty complexion might be the result of low protein or iron levels and that perhaps you should have a HAMBURGER. It’s none of my business what you eat. If you want to eat only leaves that have naturally fallen from trees so that you do not kill what I think I have established to be living beings, knock yourself out. I don’t care. Like I tell all the little tattle-y kids I teach, “Stop worrying about what little Johnny is doing and take care of yourself. If you are doing what YOU should be doing, you wouldn’t notice that little Johnny is poking holes in his giant eraser instead of reading his packet.” In other, more simple terms, mind your own business.
Do you realize that human beings are the only animals on earth who feel guilty for their basic living needs? Get. Over. Yourself. Just because you can think doesn’t mean you should die rather than eat or breathe or turn on a light. Let’s all just get along. I might be a meat eater, but I seem to be a lot less testy than some of the veg peeps out there. Tolerance folks. Not everyone in the world is just like everyone else. That is one of the things that makes the world a wonderful place. We all look different, we all like different things and we all eat different stuff. Leave people alone for God’s sake. I think the world would be a much nicer place if everyone just minded their own business and took care of themselves and quit worrying about what everyone else is doing or not doing or what everyone else thinks of them. Who cares? Just take people for what they are. You can go home later and think “weirdo” to yourself, but do you really have to make people feel bad because of what they are? I know and love some weird people and a lot of people know and love me and I’m pretty weird if I say so myself. Relax friends, and if you find it hard to calm down, I find that a nice filet accompanied by a salad, baked potato and a nice yeasty roll make my life better.
Have a wonderful day and maybe a burger… 🙂