Before you get all excited, this is not a drug addiction admission. I am not trying to get a spot on Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew or take up an hour of Dr. Phil’s time with an emotional, suburban mom is a coke-snorter episode. No, I am addicted to Coke, the Cola. It is a jones that is mighty powerful.
Last Friday, I went the entire day without consuming any soda. I’d been trying to kick the habit. One day at a time, God give me the strength and all that. On Saturday, my kids were volunteering at a local history museum and my husband and I went out to Christmas shop. We had eaten breakfast at home and I drank water. We went to the shrine of cheap capitalism and purchased some plastic toys that will no doubt feed an entire Chinese family for a week or two and were then on our way to our next stop, the shrine to all things pet related, when I started to feel weird. I couldn’t sit still. I felt like my insides were squirming around and I felt slightly sick to my stomach. I then noticed a slight headache starting in my left temple. I felt like my respiration was speeding up and I broke into a clammy sweat. Suddenly, I had an uncontrollable desire for Coke. Cold Coke with ice. And a straw.
I told my husband that I needed a coke. He is very accommodating, so he said, “They have Cokes in the cooler thing at the shrine to pets, we’ll get you one there.” “NO!!” I almost shout, ” I NEED ONE WITH ICE!! AND I NEED IT NOOWWWWW!” Being a super smart engineering type, he wisely pulled quickly into the nearest shrine to hamburgers and unhealthy kid’s meals and ordered me a large Coke. My hands were shaking as I unwrapped the straw and stuck it through the environmentally incorrect plastic lid on my equally environmentally incorrect coated paper cup and took a swig. I immediately stopped shaking and sweating and I moaned like the Bundy’s used to do on /Married With Children/ when they’d sit down to eat. I took another drink, moaned again, completely involuntarily I might add, and realized that my husband was staring at me.
“What?” I innocently inquired. “You really like that Coke don’t you.” “Why yes, yes I do. In fact I like it so much that I now feel completely wonderful and ready to shop for the rest of the day. I realize as I sit here swigging Coke-a-Cola, that I am completely addicted to it and this must be what a drug addict feels like when the drug they’ve just injected hits their system,” was my reply. We shopped the rest of the afternoon, came home and hid everything and I felt just peachy the rest of the day.
I know that soda is bad for me. I know that it destroys the enamel on my teeth, keeps me slightly heavier than I should be and takes money that I could be buying books with, but I don’t care. I know that you can supposedly clean your toilet with it because of the bubbles or something, but frankly, I think that is an urban legend. If its not, maybe the bubbles will clean out MY pipes. I don’t know, and I don’t care. I love it’s sticky, bubbly, sweetness. I love how cold it is. I love how it smells and I love the fact that unlike wine, it goes with any kind of food. Life is for living and you must have a few joys in it, or what’s the point? So, here I am, laying out my weakness to the world. My name is Holly and I am a coke-colaholic, and I don’t want to get over it.
Have a happy day!! 🙂